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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27690806">Parallax</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jyou_no_Sonoko/pseuds/Jyou_no_Sonoko'>Jyou_no_Sonoko</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Gen, Self-Doubt, Self-Reflection, domestic Marith, marith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:27:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,143</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27690806</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jyou_no_Sonoko/pseuds/Jyou_no_Sonoko</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Mary expresses concern that her apparent kindness might not be all that magnanimous after all.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mary Wardwell | Madam Satan | Lilith &amp; Original Mary Wardwell, Mary Wardwell | Madam Satan | Lilith/Original Mary Wardwell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Parallax</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">Having stared through the pages for long enough, Mary closed the book, to stare instead through its cover.</p>
<p class="western">“Lilith,” she said in muted concern, rolling her reclining head on the First Witch's thigh so that she could see her face, “I think I may be deeply selfish.”</p>
<p class="western">With a sigh, Lilith lowered her newspaper and met Mary's eyes. “What are you talking about, flittermaus?”</p>
<p class="western">Mary frowned, attempting to put the feeling into words. “All this time... well, people think I'm generous... of spirit. They say I'm kind.”</p>
<p class="western">“You are those things. Why else would I still have the luxury of being here?”</p>
<p class="western">“Well, that's where I'm not so sure. I think there's been an error of... parallax.”</p>
<p class="western">“Parallax?” Lilith folded the newspaper with raised brows and placed it off to the side, rested back on her hands to give Mary her full attention. “Please explain.”</p>
<p class="western">“Well, in... scientific observation, it's important to look at things from the correct angle, in order to gather data faithfully. Right?”</p>
<p class="western">“Go on.”</p>
<p class="western">“And, likewise, when drawing a line, sketching a picture, you have to be directly above your hand, or at least close enough, or your skewed gaze will create a distortion in the end product. You'll hold up the picture and find someone's chin looks way too long.”</p>
<p class="western">Lilith reached out a delicate forefinger and placed it precisely. “Your chin is just fine, from this angle.”</p>
<p class="western">Mary shook off her hand, pained amusement following it. “Lilith. What if everyone's just looking at me from the wrong angle and getting a distorted impression of me? Of my motivations?”</p>
<p class="western">“What hole have you been digging yourself into this time?” she asked, threading her thwarted fingers through Mary's loose curls.</p>
<p class="western">“Just... when people do things willingly, what is their reward?”</p>
<p class="western">“The satisfaction of doing the thing, I should imagine,” she replied dutifully.</p>
<p class="western">“A certain enjoyment of the thing.”</p>
<p class="western">“Indeed.”</p>
<p class="western">“So you could say that... any action one undertakes willingly... holds the promise of pleasure.”</p>
<p class="western">Lilith continued to play with her hair, going deeper to twirl it around her fingers at the roots. “Is there something wrong with pleasure?”</p>
<p class="western">She closed her eyes at the feeling against her scalp, let a little sigh escape before continuing. “Not in and of itself, of course not. But... seeking pleasure is selfish... isn't it?”</p>
<p class="western">“Explain.”</p>
<p class="western">“Well, we do it for ourselves. We can't seek pleasure on anyone else's behalf.”</p>
<p class="western">“Can we not?”</p>
<p class="western">“Not essentially, no, I don't believe so. We're appealing to our own pleasure sensors, in our bodies and our minds. Because what are we apart from our thoughts, when you get right down to it? We're trapped in our own heads and we can only experience the world through our own perceptions.”</p>
<p class="western">Her tone had grown tight, and Lilith placed a cool palm to her forehead. “You really have become stuck in your own head.”</p>
<p class="western">Mary let the hand stay, closed her eyes. “I suppose so. But not without merit.”</p>
<p class="western">“There's so much going on in there.”</p>
<p class="western">“As always,” she sighed. “But... really, Lilith, you must agree it's true: everything that we do willingly, we do it because it increases our pleasure in life, one way or the other.”</p>
<p class="western">“I would say that's a fair assessment, yes.”</p>
<p class="western">“Then, it also stands to reason to say that our motivations are ultimately selfish.”</p>
<p class="western">“That is perhaps a harsh reading of the text.”</p>
<p class="western">“Is it?” She opened her eyes, lashes brushing lightly against Lilith's hand.</p>
<p class="western">“Though I do know you prefer to judge yourself as harshly as possible.”</p>
<p class="western">“It's not just that. I really think that... well. Anything I do, for somebody else, that makes their life easier or makes them somehow happier... I do it because, very simply, it brings me pleasure. Like any animal. I'm motivated by that positive feedback.”</p>
<p class="western">“And yet, unlike any other animal, in your case that is something of which to be ashamed?”</p>
<p class="western">She frowned and brought a hand up to join with Lilith's, sliding it down to rest at her cheek. “I'm just saying that nothing I do is all that noble. It's not real kindness if I do it for my own satisfaction. It's not... selfless.”</p>
<p class="western">“So in that view, it would be better to suffer while improving the lives of others? To loathe what you do, but do it anyway?”</p>
<p class="western">“Well...”</p>
<p class="western">“That sounds deeply unnecessary.” She freed her thumb to caress Mary's cheekbone. “And, in fact, far more selfish.”</p>
<p class="western">At first, Mary leaned into the touch, then slowly rolled away, until she was up on her elbows, gazing up. “More selfish?”</p>
<p class="western">“When has suffering ever made anything better? In all my years, I can't recall ever thinking 'Well! If only I had a little more suffering, I'd be able to achieve this far more easily!'” She fixed Mary with a pointed stare. “It only ever slows us down. And so, if you were to force yourself to do something without gaining any pleasure, you would almost certainly drag your heels. And your lack of enjoyment would only reduce the pleasure of those you intend to aid.”</p>
<p class="western">“I suppose you do have a point.”</p>
<p class="western">“Of course I do. If I may flatter myself, Mary, I have become something of a connoisseur of pain. And I know the bitterness it can bring to every waking moment.”</p>
<p class="western">Mary gazed back and, at a loss for any response but agreement, bowed her head. “You're right. I'm sorry, it must be very invalidating for me to--”</p>
<p class="western">“Now <em>hush</em>,” Lilith interrupted. “I'll accept no more of that.”</p>
<p class="western">“Sorry.”</p>
<p class="western">Lilith raised her eyebrows again, meaningfully.</p>
<p class="western">“All right,” Mary corrected herself, then sank down to rest her jaw on her hands. “Maybe selfishness is just inevitable.”</p>
<p class="western">“So inevitable that it's not selfishness at all. But rather the mind's subtle mechanism to motivate us to take care of each other. If you insist on finding fault with even that, then I'm afraid you're beyond help, Mary Wardwell.”</p>
<p class="western">“Then,” Mary's eyes dipped further into contemplation, “if it's just human nature to be kind for the sake of our own pleasure... why aren't more people kind?”</p>
<p class="western">Lilith sighed into a laugh. “You're really asking <em>me</em> that question? Everything I've learnt of kindness has been at your hands.”</p>
<p class="western">“That's not true.”</p>
<p class="western">“Isn't it? Which one of us has centuries of horrors to her name? Which one a more blood-smeared history?”</p>
<p class="western">“And yet, saying that,” Mary's gaze surfaced, “you seem to understand human nature more than I do.”</p>
<p class="western">“I've had a lot of time to watch and listen.”</p>
<p class="western">“You really are good at that.”</p>
<p class="western">Lilith glanced away at the gentle affection, the angular contours of her face colouring. “It's not that much of a feat, Mary. You're very easy to listen to.”</p>
<p class="western">“I'm glad.” She settled down again, found the most comfortable curve along Lilith's thigh and laid her cheek upon it. “Because it's nice to be heard.”</p>
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